Humility: The Power of Staying Low

Can Humility Save The World? #46

Modesty is a trait like no other. Saying “I am modest” defeats the whole purpose. Sorensen referred to this as an “ethical blindspot”.

You know when you meet a humble human. It is unusual. It warms your heart. I love talking to them, they are respectful and wise. They don’t need anything from you, they don’t have any bad intentions. Humble people are pure and quiet honestly, I wanna be like them. So I am writing this to understand humility better, and hopefully, learn how to develop that trait.

Before writing this, I didn’t know the difference between modesty and humility. For those who didn’t know either: Modesty = reluctance to to put oneself on display, and attract attention. Humility = being down to earth, conscious of one’s insignificance. Here, I will try not to confuse them and explore both.

Humility can be interpreted and displayed differently. We need various philosophies to look at it from different perspectives.

In a way, humility is self-awareness. It’s about being aware of your insignificance, being higher than labels and what society thinks of you. You are not inferior or superior to anyone, you are just you, and you treat everyone equally.

Socrates

Socrates is often referred to as the prime example of “intellectual humility”. He believed that true wisdom is knowing you don’t know anything. At the time, that was an important piece of wisdom that eventually got him killed for trying to know too much, not trusting authority and set beliefs. He constantly questioned everything and everyone. “I know that I know nothing,” he said, while probably being the wisest man in Athens. He was open-minded and ready to engage in discussion with anyone, he inspired others to also look at the world with intellectual humility.

Socrates took modesty to the max: he looked homeless, walked barefoot, and didn’t have many material possessions, focusing fully on self-discovery and the search for wisdom. He knew that we have a lot of gaps in our knowledge and it’s arrogant to assume we know everything. He realized the limits of his knowledge. This kind of self-awareness is the building stone of humility.

The concept of intellectual humility reminds me of one of the first stories published here. Allow yourself to be awkward is a philosophy of not taking yourself too seriously whenever starting a new thing. Any genius at any craft started off by being bad at the thing. So you have to try to relax and embrace how bad you are at it. It is all about being humble enough to understand you are not good yet, but you can improve. Humility in learning is a trait a lot of people miss out on and just lose motivation to improve.

Allow Yourself to Be Awkward

Buddhism

The aim of Buddhism is the path to enlightenment. Being self-aware and humble enough is essential to the path to nirvana. Criticizing others and putting yourself higher than others is seen as a vice. As I talked a lot about attachment and Buddhism before, attachment also relates to attachment to yourself. Being too self-centric is an attachment that will hold you back from achieving enlightenment.

Buddha himself was born into a wealthy family, but ran away and left everything behind. He sacrificed his comfortable life in search of meaning and enlightenment. His journey demonstrates his humility in understanding he has a lot to learn to find the ultimate truth.

Similar to Socrates, he was also a great example of intellectual humility. Gautama didn’t have an attachment to material possessions and led a simple life. Even after becoming Buddha, he didn’t hesitate to share his knowledge with others and didn't proclaim himself a god. Buddha didn’t care about his students’ status, famously recruiting Sunita, a student who was an outcast.

Taoism

One of my favourite metaphors for humility can be found in Tao Te Ching. Lao-Tzu refers to water as a representation of ultimate humility.

Water is a perfect analogy because it has no attachments. It has no ego to demonstrate. No label to live up to. No wealth to show off. Water occupies (literally and figuratively) the lowest places. It doesn't need approval or recognition. It does its own thing and yet benefits everything. It occupies the places no one else desires to be in, the most uncomfortable, tight spaces that shrink our ego. Water doesn’t care. It stays in the most humble, down-to-earth (literally and figuratively) places without striving to the contrary. Where our ego realistically is supposed to be.

Society and its values get us hung up on status and wealth symbols that are supposed to represent us. They dictate how we are supposed to live. Humility is the cure for that mindless following of what you are “supposed to be”.

Lao-Tzu writes: “He whose (desires) are few gets them; he whose (desires) are many goes astray.” He believes that humility is the trait that is the closest to our nature:

“Therefore the sage holds in his embrace the one thing (of humility), and manifests it to all the world. He is free from self-display, and therefore he shines; from self-assertion, and therefore he is distinguished; from self-boasting, and therefore his merit is acknowledged; from self-complacency, and therefore he acquires superiority. It is because he is thus free from striving that therefore no one in the world is able to strive with him.”

He writes that striving for less and not seeking recognition may be the trait that will get you those very things. If you are free from grinding towards those things, no one in the world can compete with you, he says.

“Nature does not hurry, yet everything is accomplished.”

This simple idea can help us understand how actually impactful we are even without needing to show off. Taoism takes humility seriously, it is one of the 3 treasures of the philosophy.

Taoism refers to a different kind of humility. The humility that encourages you to stay low and be realistic of who you essentially are. We are all equal and being like water is the most humbling state to be, with nothing to prove to anyone.

Modesty and Culture

As social creatures, we constantly seek approval or compare ourselves to others. We naturally feel good when we know that we are better than others. Entire cultural traits can be built on this. 

Our primal instincts crave this comparison to other groups. The fear of missing out is an instinct designed to make you improve and survive. (I have an article on how to overcome this annoying feeling). 

A common trait we can often find in countries with lower inequality rates, and higher standards of life is how showing off is seen as something unacceptable.

This raises a question: If showing off can be counted as the opposite of modesty, is societal inequality the cause of a less modest society, or is a less modest society the cause of higher inequality?

But that could be arguable because some communities living in poverty can be the kindest and humblest people you will ever meet.

It takes a lot of willpower to overcome the natural tendency to appear better than others, especially in a materialistic world like today. In my culture, it’s common to go into debt just to throw an impressive wedding so that your community knows how “well-off” you are, I hate it with all my heart and it takes a great deal of self-awareness to consciously become more modest even if people around you don’t seem to care.

This also shows how being modest is a deeply social trait that mostly only benefits your ego. You want to appear better than others because you know they can judge you because you do the same to others. Maybe the way to being humble lies in being less judgemental in the first place? Maybe if we were more inclusive and understanding towards those around us, we could eliminate our desire to appear in a certain way in front of others. 

It’s easy to say don’t think about what others think of you. How do you do that? What’s important to realise is that people are notoriously selfish. We spend more time thinking about how we look to others than to ourselves. A truly modest person won’t draw attention to oneself. A modest person realises that we are all the same and there is no need to appear better than others. 

So many life choices are still influenced by what others think. I won’t deny one of the factors I took into account when choosing my university was how it was going to look on my CV and in front of my family. 

In our century of technology, modesty is likely to be on the decline. Now, recognition is represented through likes and views right in our faces. We can visualise the attention and social media is designed to make us crave it more. That has caused oversharing and a lack of authenticity. These platforms are built on envy and craving for others’ attention, which could be okay in moderation, but I don’t think it’s okay in its current state.

The Tragic Downfall of Social Interaction

There is a Russian saying that happiness loves silence. It aligns with the Taoism belief that you don’t have to attract attention to be recognized or loved.

He is free from self-display, and therefore he shines

Final Thoughts

I find humility as one of the most desirable traits. Being humble to me means being wise. Humility is rare to see in a world dominated by oversharing and demonstrating yourself only in the best light. Is humility the opposite of what we naturally want? It feels like it goes against our natural desires to be recognised, stand out, and be special. Taoism, on the other hand, says that humility is the closest trait to the way of nature.

So why do we need humility? I believe that a humble society could be an important step toward a more equal and sustainable one. A society that embraces inclusion and where people don’t put themselves higher than others. A society that is more understanding and respectful towards each other. 

It’s impossible to make everyone humble. It’s pointless to try. But we could realise that on an individual level and immediately become a more wise, self-aware individual. 

I see it as an important trait that is difficult to master. It is a passive attribute that takes a lot of fighting to accomplish. You have to be aware and actively resist your natural urge. Being humble is understanding that you don’t have to show the world your wins. The world is going to do that itself.

Water benefits all things. It stays low. And doesn’t need any reward or recognition. It is the true humility

Once you get there, you won’t realise it. 

“A calm and modest life brings more happiness than the pursuit of success combined with constant restlessness.”

― Albert Einstein

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